Sunday, September 29, 2013

Thank you all for your donation!

We are indebted to every one of you who helped support us during the initial part of this battle with Joey. Because of your generosity and donations, we were able to provide Joey with many of his medical needs while facing physical, mental, and emotional challenges. We are overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness and very thankful that our financial stress was lifted because of your help. Joey is thriving in spirte of his cancer, and we pray he continues to respond to his treatment. For now, we have removed the donation button on the page - we pray we will not need any assistance again in the future, but are very grateful to know that support is there if we do. Again, thank you from our hearts!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Awareness? Action!

Didn't realize almost half of Sep. passed. Everyday I see other moms at Momcology group, facebook, caringbridge, etc spread words about national childhood cancer awareness month. But I didn't do anything. I feel guilty. One voice says, "Sep. is forever different because you are a cancer mom." The other voice says, "so what? People will "like" your post and even "share". Then what? Everybody needs to be back to busy life. Don't even bother to post." I have this mixed feeling until I saw this article tonight. It's a very powerful article. I cried hard when I read the words. I cried hard when I saw the precious smile of this little girl. Honestly, I feel exactly the same as this mom, but I don't have the courage to say that out loud. I don't have the courage to do something because I don't know how. I asked oncologist and he said, "Your job is to take care of Joey." My friends say, "Your job is to live a happy day for Joey." Deeply, I told myself, "Your job is more than this."
Here is the article:

Awareness... What a Bullsh*t Word

I'm sure the word "awareness" comes from back in the day, when no one spoke of cancer. The "C" word, as it was called. People died quietly. Very rarely was a child with cancer even seen. Probably because there were no real treatments for them, so they died so quickly. Even 20 years ago, they were barely saving one child who was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, we were told at our consultation with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Hell, we were told that our daughter, Isabella, wouldn't have survived her brain relapse if it had occurred just three years earlier. Isabella would have been dead 9 months after her initial diagnosis. There wouldn't even have been enough time for me to get her story out to you. So, awareness month was a good thing back then... hey, meet this little 3-year-old with cancer... Nope, wait.. She's already gone.
But now, times are changing. These kids are fighting harder and longer. Their stories are getting out there because the chemo drugs are not curing kids, but they are extending their lives. People ARE aware of them. Awareness of pediatric cancer is out there. But now we are getting stalled because the movement is not moving.
Here is what a typical pediatric cancer month looks like: You "like" a couple of Facebook posts about childhood cancer or maybe even "share" one. You think about signing up for a childhood cancer 5k, but your life is busy, so you don't get around to it. You take your kids to soccer practice and do homework and have drinks with girlfriends and go to work and church and read People magazine to catch up on your favorite celebrities and see how short Lindsay Lohan's shorts were in NYC the other day... "Oh, no she didn't," you say. And then, you are running errands in late September and start noticing the city turning pink and think, I need to schedule that mammogram.
Then it is October 1.
Did you know that the 2012 cost of government elections was more than 6.2 billion dollars? Did you know that in 2012, the cost to RE-ELECT the SAME president was estimated to be2.6 billion dollars? That is something you should be aware of. Because in 2012, we spent less that 10 percent of that 2 billion dollars funding childhood cancer research, or less that 5 percentof the 6 billion-dollar-cost of 2012 government elections. And just 4 percent of the total cancer funding goes to pediatric cancer. Also scary to think about, 60 percent of all funding for drug development for adult cancers comes from pharmaceutical companies. What is the percentage of funding for drug development from pharmaceutical companies for childhood cancer research? Almost zero. Why? Because children's cancer drugs aren't profitable. Ouch.
There is some awareness for ya!
So, back to my issue with this "awareness" word. The movement I want to start is this... Let's maybe change what your September looks like. Print a picture of my daughter. Tape it to the back of the doors in your house. That's right, the front door and the back door. Every time you walk out the door, take a look at her.
She died in my bed on a Thursday morning around 9:30 while her little brother was at camp at the YMCA. She was 7 years old. She died about 80 years early. She also died because she ran out of treatment options. She died because her cancer has very little funding and her drugs aren't profitable.
Look at her picture when you walk out the door for your awareness. "Awareness." Check. But then, when you get in your car to take the kids to school, go to work, go to the gym... think about something you can do that is ACTION. Forget awareness. September is Childhood Cancer "ACTION" Month. Do something that day that is action to save a child's life. Sign up for race, make a donation, research what is really going on, ask your friends to help, talk about it, have a lemonade stand, write your congressmen, help a family who has a child with cancer. Can't think of something to do for 30 days? Email me, I'll help you with your list.
Cancer is an epidemic in this country and I'm confused as to why people aren't freaking out more than they are. Probably because they don't have it... yet. Or maybe because we are all so "aware" of cancer, but aren't taking action against it. Maybe we are all waiting for the future of cancer. In the new Matt Damon movie, Elysium, set in an imagined future, a quick scan on your body just "SNAP," gets rid of it. The truth is, that is not even a remote possibility in your lifetime.
Every day I'm aware. I'm aware that she's no longer with me. I'm aware that my 3-year-old daughter, Sophia, is inside coloring a picture for her right now. I'm aware that Isabella should be in the third grade this year. I'm aware that my husband lives in fear that he will never be able to love his children as much as he loved her. I'm aware that my 6-year-old, Grant, has nightmares about her. I'm aware that every day for the rest of my life I'm going to feel like there is something missing. I'm aware of a lot. So, the word "awareness" works really well for me in my life. Describe my life in one word, actually, and it's probably "awareness."
So, let's not make this month about just liking a Facebook e-card about cancer or reading a family's caringbridge entry and then walking away. Let's all admit that awareness is just a legacy, bullsh*t word and lets all commit to making this month about action. Action saves lives, awareness does not.

Saturday, September 7, 2013


It's our third trip to Cincinnati. We decide to travel there every time when Joey needs a scan. I am extremly anxious when the day comes. But Joey is excited. He just enjoys flights and hotel. I often wonder, "Does he ever worry about the scan?" He never mention a word about it. Instead, he is looking forward to the icecream. Cincy has best icecream in the country.
Got CT and MRI the first day. The appointment with the oncologist is in the morning the next day. I couldn't wait until the appointment. I felt myself almost running to the radiology department. Filled out a form to get a copy of everything. Printer was printing out the report. That printer was the slowest one I ever saw. The girl gave me 3 pages of report. I grabbed and read it. I could hear my heart. I was looking for the words I had been praying for every day. Praise Lord, I saw it. Decreased in size. I read those words one more time and compared the measurement. It's not a significant decrease, but all his tumor shrank. I could breathe now.
I ran out of the room and tossed the report to Luke. "I don't want to read the rest of it. I only know tumors shrink. Please circle those you don't understand and ask Dr. later." I was scared to read more because I don't want to see anything suspicous. Joey was playing games and didn't hear us. When Luke told him the result, he looked at me and said,"mom, you don't need to cry this time."
We saw Joey's oncologist and he is satisfied with the result. Joey will continue the drug until the scan 12 weeks later. Scan, scan, scan. I hate it so much. But we don't have other option.
For 6 months, we finally have something positive. It's not a huge one, but significant enough for us to celebrate. God bless my boy. May Him have mercy on us.
On the way back home, we went to the best icecream shop in Cincy. Joey was content.

Monday, September 2, 2013


I love love this photo by my talented friend. It looks like an oil painting. Use my friend's words:
this is a shot of Joey, a dear friend of my family, who is fighting cancer. The background is made from a flower vendor stall in NYC, and a few other bits. In making Joey partially translucent here, the intention is to show that the colors of imagination and strength which are inside him have a way of shining out and painting the world around him. he not yet ten years old, and he is already my teacher.
Joey loves to play colors too. I enjoy looking at his paintings, full of life, energy, vibration and beauty.
He loves his first oil painting of garden so much and asked me to put it into a frame.
Life and freedom
shapes and colors
He likes to use bright colors, through which I see his passion and boldness, just like his personality. I actually wish he could draw a picture of himself in the future, at a graduation ceremony, a wedding, even with children. I need that image so much. I want to embed that image into my head, so I won't feel fear the first thing when I wake up in the morning and let that fear empty me the rest of the day.
Just like my friend says, imagination is the power, no matter how old you are. I want this power to lead my life. If I don't have it right now, I need to create it, with my boy.

September: childhood cancer awareness month

did you know?
• The cause of most childhood cancers are unknown and at present, cannot be prevented. (Most adult cancers result from lifestyle factors such as smoking, diet, occupation, and other exposure to cancer-causing agents).

• Nationally, childhood cancer is 20 times more prevalent than pediatric AIDS yet pediatric AIDS receives four times the funding that childhood cancer receives.

• On the average, 12,500 children and adolescents in the U.S. are diagnosed with cancer each year.

• In the U.S., about 46 children and adolescents are diagnosed and 7 will die from a form of childhood cancer every single school day.

• The National Cancer Institute's federal budget=$4.6 billion. Pediatric cancers received less than 3% of it.

• Overall, one out of every five children diagnosed with cancer dies. In some forms of cancer, as few as one out of every five children will live.

• Childhood Cancers are cancers that primarily affect children, teens, and young adults.

• Approximately 20% of adults with cancer show evidence the disease has spread, yet nearly 80% of children show that the cancer has spread to distant sites at the time of diagnosis.